


Revelatio

by charcombrous_banshee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Gen, Post-Episode: s15e09 The Trap, it's trauma time, when is it not on this show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26860669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charcombrous_banshee/pseuds/charcombrous_banshee
Summary: (“revelatio” is Latin for “revelation,” not a typo)Eileen hasn’t relaxed since the incident, not in a way that matters.
Relationships: Mentioned Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester - Relationship
Kudos: 11





	Revelatio

Eileen wakes up in a cold sweat. Her chest is tight and she can still feel herself cutting Sam open. Being made to cut Sam open. She sits up, draws her knees to her chest, and buries her face in her arms. She stays like that for a long time, sense memory and fear washing over her. Eventually, her muscles relax and her breathing deepens but she still doesn’t move. She doesn’t want to move. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone. By the time she lifts her head, the first rays of sun are starting to peek in around the motel curtains. 

Carefully, she unwinds herself and stands. She flexes her fingers just to check that she can. She can move herself but that doesn’t mean she’s not being watched. Her skin’s still crawling as she gets dressed, makes coffee, and eats cereal. She hasn’t relaxed since the incident, not in a way that matters. She has a constant urge to check if she's being watched but she has no metaphysical shoulder to look over. All she can do is hope that God is paying attention to another world, but that doesn’t get her away from this can of worms. Other worlds. _God._ Myth and magic are Eileen’s job but this is like the ground has dropped out from under her feet and left her treading water. She grew up knowing about banshees and werewolves but it’s another thing entirely to meet God.

It’s one thing to be aware of the abstract idea of God and another to have him spy on your friends through you and hurt and torture them with your hands.

The memory hits her again and she sees Sam’s blood running down his chest. She can feel the scalpel in her hand cutting through his tissue, see him twitch and clench his jaw whenever she digs the scalpel deeper. She puts her head in her hands and rides it out. When she settles back to normal, she stands and absently cleans up her breakfast.

Left with nothing to do but face the day, Eileen feels a pang of longing. She misses Sam. She remembers the way his lips feel on hers, too, and the way it feels to hug him. She could go back. She could go back to the bunker, to Sam, to Dean and Cas. The solidity of that possibility is new to her. She’s not used to having someone she can turn to for help like this. She’ll go back and visit the boys, probably — eventually, when she’s gathered herself. Just not yet. She doesn’t know what she’d say to Sam. She doesn’t know what he’d say to her. She could just text him, just so they both know that the other is in one piece (if not necessarily doing well,) but the idea sends nerves crawling down her spine. For now, Eileen shuts down that train of thought and carries on like she always has.

**Author's Note:**

> Turns out that all it takes for me to actually finish a fic is a pandemic. This is my first time posting here so please excuse any technical whoopsies.
> 
> find me at charcombrous-banshee.tumblr.com


End file.
